Marriage Counselling

Ever wondered what happens in a marriage counselling session? Well, I'll let you have a glimpse. What can you expect when you have a marriage counselling session with a qualified Honeymooners Forever Counsellor?

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Have you started losing faith in your relationship? Are you constantly fighting, or avoiding confrontation, and filled with resentment? Are you unsure of how to get back to how ‘it was’ at the start? Many couples cannot ‘fix’ their relationship alone. So, why not seek a little professional help? As a marriage and crisis counsellor, it is our honour to help couples reconnect and become happy again. Helping couples fall back in love is one of the greatest joys in our job. Now, let’s get to work…

What are your issues?

When you book a counselling session, you will be offered a (virtual) seat on the couch’, and discuss confidentiality. We need to get to know you both, so we will ask about your: lifestyle, work hours, weekly commitments, children (and any parenting struggles), and/or pets. What has caused you to seek help now? What are the issues? We will determine your level of independence, how much time you devote to each other, how you treat each other, how you feel about each other, how your sex life is, and if there have been any physical or emotional affairs.

Are you safe?

We document any signs of: depression (including any suicidal thinking), anxiety, grief and loss, other mental health disorders, addiction or escapism (drugs, alcohol, prescription medication, spending, porn, gambling or workaholism). We check for control issues, such as the cycle of power and control, verbal abuse or physical abuse. We often do a Life Balance Wheel Checklist from Phoebe’s 2nd book, Are You Listening? Life is Talking to You, if we feel either of you are not coping with life. In this checklist, we ask about your: thoughts, self esteem, loss or traumas, emotions, diet and exercise, support networks, hobbies, finances and the way you feel about your daily activities. Your personal safety always comes first.

What are your communication patterns?

We look out for any of these ten patterns:

  1. The Competitive couple
  2. The Fight over Facts couple
  3. The Dominating versus the Submissive partner
  4. The Flip couple (He is emotionally needy, and she is logical/feeling smothered)The Emotionally Distant partner (one partner is only there in body, not mind)
  5. The Cat and Dog couple (Highly argumentative couple)
  6. Triangulation (Two people against one, such as parent and child against the other partner)
  7. The Grieving partner (who may either withdraw, or become frequently angered)
  8. One partner puts children first, other partner withdraws.
  9. The Spontaneous versus The Highly Structured partner.

We establish who has resentment, and who would benefit with assertiveness training.
Often deep trauma release work, such as EMDR, works well in correcting long term ‘mental blocks’ such as avoiding conflict

How do you argue?

How do you argue, and how often? What are your styles? Does one partner run? Is there a ‘silent treatment giver’ in the house? Do either of you yell, swear, or intimidate the other? Do you believe that no arguments is the best policy, and therefore not argue? If you happen to start an argument in session, We watch closely, for a moment; We are a ‘relationship detective’ after all; We watch, listen, and notice subtle clues to help solve the mystery of your relationship. Every interaction, every gesture, from body language, to facial expressions, helps us interpret your relationship strengths and weaknesses.

What do we promise?

We promise we will make everything as easy as possible. We can’t promise that you will laugh at our jokes, but they should help you feel more relaxed. We promise we will ask intrusive, and sometimes embarrassing, questions, as thorough assessment is vital to ensure relevant strategies can be given fast. We promise that most of the couples we work with are able to resolve presenting issues within 6 sessions (with the exception of complications such as: affairs, mental health issues, or recovery from separation; as these issues take longer). We promise our diagnosis is thorough, to ensure the homework and strategies are simple. We promise you simple solutions, so you are not overwhelmed. We promise we will treat you both equally, and with love, and respect.

Why are we so passionate about saving marriages? Phoebe saved her own failing marriage twenty years ago, and we have been saving marriages ever since. Thousands of relationships have been healed and transformed using the Honeymooners Forever Strategy, and there is no reason why yours should be any different.